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School just doesn’t feel the same

Photo Credit: Silver Creek High School Facebook

SAN JOSE- Whoever said that high school would be the time of your life, they’re wrong. It’s nothing of the expectation of bliss. Instead, it’s falling down a rabbit hole filled with immense anxiety and insecurity. Arriving at Silver Creek on the first day was alarming as it is. It was as if the sight of so many people was an automatic step on these huge landmines that kept showing up, whether I’d like them to or not.

Returning back to school, entering high school out of all things felt too much. Not even able to relish and fully experience my middle school years, I was welcomed to a society of judgemental moody teens, the same as me, and to be honest, the very idea of it terrified me (it still does). Being so used to quarantine and just staying indoors did not prepare me for the frightening struggle of going back to a physical school. New teachers, new classmates and a new environment. Everything and everyone was unfamiliar and intimidating. 

Learning that I wasn’t going to have the oh-so-great high school experience with my friend group was already disheartening enough. They were all enrolled at Evergreen Valley High School while I was left to rot at Silver Creek. There are people at Silver Creek that I view as acquaintances, maybe friends. It’s just not the same connection I have with my usual friend group–. I wanted to hold on to them for as long as I could. Yes, a selfish wish. But, adjusting to this and coming to terms that I have to interact with new people is the most tedious challenge for me. Without the warm company of those lovable goofs during the school day, loneliness seeped and stayed. The dread of going back to school the next day was evident. 

In hopes of writing this, I wish to be able to connect with other individuals who are experiencing/have experienced the intensity of going back on campus. Or maybe feeling similar emotions about this school year. I just wanted to point out here that you are not alone in this confusing year. The more you look around and focus less on constantly overthinking about yourself, you can notice that everyone in some way is as lost as you. 

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